My Immortal: Another Commentary! Yay!
by kkineticc
Summary: I'm sure you've heard of My Immortal, the most famously bad fanfiction on the Internet. I've decided to do a commentary. Discover the insane, twisted Hogwarts, the moronic insults, and the creepy "goffik" characters, and (my favorite) Tara Gilesbie's inane clothing descriptions! GOFFIKS ONLY NO POSRS PLAZ
1. Chapter 1

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) **(I don't get a single thing other than you spelled "fangs" wrong.) **2 my gf (ew not in that way) **(Is lesbianism bad?) **raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. **(Obviously, this Raven person didn't help with the spelling, or she is a HORRIBLE speller.) **U rok!

Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX! **(I can sense fangirl-ism…)**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness **(Random apostrophe placement) **Dementia RavenWay and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **(Ebony and black are the same thing.) **with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **(WTF?) **and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!) I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **(INCESTUOUS THOUGHTS) **

I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. **(I thought vampires were super tan and had purple scraggly teeth…but maybe that's just me.) **I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **(I could tell that you're a wannabe goth, but not that you're one. You seem more emo, what with the purple and red hair) **and I wear mostly black. **(Incorrect, you're wearing pink in the next chapter)** I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there.

For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets **(pink fishnets? How does that even look remotely cool?) **and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **(that can happen at the same time?) **so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps **(How can you tell if someone's a prep? Is a prep someone who wears normal clothes and has un-dyed hair?)** stared at me. **(because you're an insane freak of nature)** I put up my middle finger at them.** (What a nice girl) **

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was… **(OMG CLIFFHANGER!)**

Draco Malfoy! **(?)**

"What's up Draco?" I asked. **(As if Draco Malfoy would be caught dead talking to you.)**

"Nothing." he said shyly. **(Draco Malfoy, shy? HAHAHAHA)**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **(Why? Ignore them.)**

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **(No it isn't.)**


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Fangz to bloodytearz666 for helping me with the chapter! BTW preps stop flaming my story ok! **(Um, no. Your story is bad, get over the flames. And "flaming", really? Pfah.)**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. **(I normally wake up in the woods.) **It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin **(Coffins have doors? I thought they had lids.) **and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **(Yum, blood-bottle! My normal morning wakeup drink!)**

My coffin was black ebony **(how surprising)** and inside it was hot pink velvet **(WTF? Goths HATE pink. Clearly, you are not a goth. You are emo.) **with black lace on the ends.

I got out of my coffin and took off my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. **(More random, unneeded clothing descriptions)**

I put on four pairs of earrings **(Why four? That looks stupid.) **in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven this is you!) **(Run, Raven! Enroll in the WPP soon! Or move to Mongolia or Paraguay. Run!)** woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **(She woke up, without opening her eyes, smiled, without opening her eyes, flipped her hair, without opening her eyes, THEN opened her eyes. Am I the only one who sees something wrong here?) **She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **(Unneeded clothing and makeup descriptions)**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. **(OMFG = preppy. Because goths always say "OMFG".)**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **(PREPPY. Just sayin')**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. **(Thought process: She was talking to him, therefore she likes him.)**

"No I so f*cking don't!" I shouted. **(Denial) **

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. **(OMGOMG HE WALKED UP!)**

"Hi." he said. **(Weird thing to say…)**

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **(I DON'T FKING LIKE HIM! Hii, Draco **twirls hair flirtily**)**

"Guess what." he said. **(A flying elephant just landed on the roof, wearing nothing but a purple-and-orange striped bikini, and started doing the dance sequence for Anything Goes, performed at the 2011 Tony Awards. Good authors who-oo once used better words, now only use four-letter words, writing prose, anything goes…)**

"What?" I asked. **(The elephant thing. It totally happened.)**

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **(Darn, no elephants. And a Muggle band is playing in Hogsmeade, the only completely wizarding village in Britain? Really?)**

"Oh. My. F*cking. God! **"** I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **(FANGIRL)**

"Well… do you want to go with me?" he asked. **(Run, darling Draco, before Ebony/Enoby infects your life! RUNNNN!)**

I gasped. **(What a cliffhanger! You, dear reader, sadly don't get to know what she says until the next chapter, even though it's sooooo cliché.)**

** Thank you so much, electracait, for reviewing. And, of course, awesome Good boy-chan ILY guys! Reviews make me happy. So press that little blue button right down there and review!**

**3 chocolate!**


	3. Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING **(First Flaming, now Flamming? AHAHAAHA) **DA STORY PREPZ **(Why assume it's preps? And exactly what do you mean by 'preps'?) **OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! **(Why assume it's 'goffiks' who like your story? Probably nobody does, and they just want to see the next ridiculous chapter.) **FANGS AGEN RAVEN! **(WPP, Raven! Fast!)** oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

On the night of the concert I put on my **(stupid clothing description goes here) **black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, **(WTF?)** so I slit one of my wrists. **(Someone needs to put the original author, Tara, in serious therapy.)** I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding **(You're a vampire, vampires HAVE NO FREAKING BLOOD!) **and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **(Maybe you left on the white foundation you put on in the **_**last **_**two chapters.)** I drank some human blood **(as opposed to iguana blood?) **so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!) **(Emo theory once again resurfaces. Eyeliner?)**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **(Depression and exclamation points go well together.)**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **(Ooh, how baaaad.) **When we got there, we both hopped out of the **(flying)** car **(and fell to our deaths)**. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
>They're all so happy you've arrived<br>The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
>She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).<p>

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. **(To what? Draco has no right to be sad if Ebony/Enoby likes a singer better than she likes him. In fact, he should be happy, because Ebony/Enoby is CREEPY.)**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively **(EEEMMMOOO) **and he put his arm around me all protective. **(?)**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer **(ooh, how baaad) **and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the **(flying) **Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!** (CLIFFHANGER!)**


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY **(ENOBY…but you just said her name was Ebony)** nut mary su **(A Mary Sue is…whatever. Tara, just…aaargh.) **OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! **(Where is the real Draco Malfoy and what have you done with my soulmate? GIVE HIM BACK!) **dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing? **(Yes, what the fuck do you think you are doing with this "goffik" poser? Stop being so OOC!)**"

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it **(And plummeted to his death. Better die than be with Enobby.)**.I walked out of it too, curiously **(wondering why he and I weren't dead.)**.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. **(Why are you angry that you aren't dead? We are, you shouldn't be. And I thought you were curious…)**

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow **(HAHAHA)** and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **(Evil makes you happy?)**

And then… suddenly just as I **(I what?) **Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly **(Make out keenly…ahahahahahahahahahaaaaa! My knowledge of making out does not include keenly. Hahaha!) **against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. **(OMG!)** Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **(That's how I would explain sex to a small child. Teehee, thingies and you-know-whats! And also, to have sex you need to take off your pants too.)**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm **(From an orgasm shop. Half-price if you buy 2!)**. We started to kiss everywhere **(Like in Hogsmeade, and at the top of the Astronomy tower, and in the Great Hall…) **and my pale body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was….Dumbledore!

**(CLIFFHANGER! OMFG!)**

Editor's Note: I am so so so so soooo sorry for not updating! I just sort of forgot…but as a treat, I'll try to get up to chapter 6 up today, ok? ILYGUYS!


	5. Chapter 5

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr **(You don't have to be a prep or a "posr" to recognize this story's god-awfulness.)**! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache **(How are we supposed to know that?) **ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! **(Boy thingies and girl you-know-whats! ahahahaha!) **PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools! **(Heehee, ludacris fools!)**" he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood **(?) **down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces** (haha, mediocre dunces! Best insult ever!)**?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **(Mary-Sue! And WTF, Draco, you are supposed to be mine and mine alone! How dare you cheat!)**

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **(Love is the answer to everything in Dumbledore-land.)**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **(My question is: why do you have to change? And then describe it?) **When I came out… **(OOOH CLIFFY!)**

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. **(Why?)** I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. **(Fun stuff.)** After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **(Was she high when she wrote this?)**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. **(…) **

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal **(Teehee)** with blood **(WTF) **instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top. **(Good.)**

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face **(Ew.) **and he was wearing black lipstick. **(More ew.) **He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. **(Tara, you killed my childhood. Good job, you sadist.) **He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. **(You're in England. SURPRISE, honey, in England guys have English accents. And girls.) **He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **(You're the sicko for mentioning it. And, why would you know what an erection feels like? MAN-GIRL!)**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. **(Stab me with a red-hot poker through my heart. Now. Before my entire LIFE is ruined, not just my childhood. And really, Vampire? Negative 1000000 points for lack of creativity.)**

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered. **(Teehee, whimpered…)**

"Yeah." I roared. **(WTF, bipolar! One moment you're like OMFG HE'S SO HOT then the next you're like roaring at him. What is WRONG with you?)**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **(But…but…wtf? I say that a lot in regard to this "story", so…)**

Editor's Note: So I'm at chapter 6. Feel blessed that I have chosen to bestow such wonderful editing upon you.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! **(Tin is a metal.) **STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! **(Flaming isn't a crime.) **Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS!** (You can be a Satanist Mary Sue. Although I doubt that Ebony/Enoby/Evony is a Satanist. She's more of a sad wannabe.) **n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish **(He, too? GROSS.) **as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish **(I thought you had black nail polish…) **(AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. **(Heehee…dark misery )** I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then… **(CLIFFHANGER)**

We started frenching passively **(Passively. I don't think frenching passively is even a thing.)** and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. **(I thought you were passive…) **He felt me up before I took of my top. **(Fun stuff.)** Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. **(Ew, leather obsession. And I think you have to take off more than your bra to have sex.) **We went on the bedand started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **(When it's boy thingies and girl you-know-whats, yes.)**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm **(Orgasm sale. Buy one get one free!) **when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire!

I was so angry. **(Why? It's his body. If he wants to deface it with tattoos, that's his thing.)**

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. **(You don't know a single thing. I think this is Tara's attempt at being dramatic.)**

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **(Which you have contracted, because you had sex with him TWICE.)**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what **(I thought it was a boy thingy…) **but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **(WTF?)**


	8. Chapter 8

AN: stop flassing ok! **(But my dentist says that if I stop flassing, I'll get cavities!) **if u do den u r a prep!

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. **(Screaming sadly is my favorite thing to do. So fun.)**

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor.) **(And…another childhood-ruining moment. WTF IS WITH YOU?)**

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" **(Heehee, ridiculous dimwit!) **Snape demeaned **(Improper use of the word "demeaned".) **angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped. **(Because you were going out with Draco, not stupid Vampire! You met Vampire today or something!)**

**(Random POV switch)**

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. **(Neither do I.) **I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

**(Another random POV switch)**

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears. **(She busted because she lost her virility. Heehee)**


	9. Chapter 9

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! **(Obviously.) **dis is frum da movie **(This is nothing like the movie.) **ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! **(Dumbledore would never EVER swear.) **besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything **(So he has no everything?) **started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort! **(OMG! CRAZY STUFF, RIGHT THERE!)**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. **(Crookshanks is a cat, not a spell.) **Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. **(Wait, what?)**

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **(…)**

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **(Completely unrelated to the current problem, which is that Voldemort wants you to kill Vampire Potter.)**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun."No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis."he answered cruelly "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) **(no) **between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. **(Someone is obsessed…)**

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **(Teehee, you expelled)**

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.** (It's possible to make out while walking?)**


	10. Chapter 10

AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert aln she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok! **(I did not understand that meaningless garble of letters.)**

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. **(What a gothic name.) **I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. **(That would sound gross.) **The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) **(Tara, I hate you.) **and Hargrid **(HAGRID. Can't you keep at least one thing canon? I know, too much to ask. But I want a little bit of my precious childhood left, please!)**. Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak) **(I'd rather eat the steak.)** and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. **(That's not depressing.) **I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **(Of course not. Because sluts don't wear boob-and-ass-bearing tiny clothing to band rehearsals where they know their boyfriend won't be there.)**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice. **(A concerted voice, teehee)**

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears. **(Use fewer F-bombs.)**

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. **(A magical wall that was somehow there.)**

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) **(Yes. Malfoys NEVER swear, except to call people mudbloods. And in canon, he would say "Filthy Mudblood!"**

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **(At the beginning of the chapter, you said that Draco couldn't die by slitting his wrists, because he has no blood. Yet I seem to remember other times where he has cried tears of blood or some shit. CONTINUITY!)**


	11. Chapter 11

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! **(Wait, what?)**

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! **(Not just horrified, but HORRORFIED.)** B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. **(He's the headmaster. He owns the freaking school.)**

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. **(Why? Draco's happier in heaven, with ME :D)** They got all over my clothes **(Your wrists got all over your clothes?) **so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. **(I do that all the time. Y'know, jump places angrily while listening to Linkin Park…)** I grabbed a steak **(Yum) **and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. **(You were depressed, so you decided to make us depressed by giving us a description of your "goffik" clothing? It worked, at least for me.)** I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! **(A tape of you getting dressed? OOH, SEXAYYYY!)** And Loopin was masticating to it! **(He was chewing to it?) **They were sitting on their broomsticks. **(Fun stuff.)**

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! **(You have clothes on. Remember?)** ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!**" **I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it**. **Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra Kedavra!" **(Spell the goddamn spell right. Heehee, I said spell twice ) **he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. **(I point my womb all the time and yell ABRA KEDAVRA!) **I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke.Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…**(everything went black.)**

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk. **(How non-OOC.)**

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" **(NOO, I AM THE COMC TEACHER!)**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **(Like everyone else in this story.)**

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors." **(?)**

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. **(Triumelephantly. Adv. Tryyy-um-el-uh-funt-ley. When elephants are triumphant.) **"The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" **(Why do you want with the tape? You can probably get better porn on the internet.)**

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. **(Again, ?)**

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. **(Clook. N. A cock cloak. A cloak. A cock. Something like that.)**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. **(From whom? Loopin? Snap? Dumblydore? Hargirid? Vampyre?) **I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. **(I bite people.) **

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. **(I wave my wand up in the air sometimes, saying ayyyyo, I'm a peeeeedo) **Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **(Wait, what? 50 Cent is goffic?)**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

"Because I LOVE HER!" **(HOLY SHIT I SO DID NOT SEE THAT COMING!)**

Hey, so sorry for the late update. I sort of forgot about this for a long time. Sorry

Muggle


	12. Chapter 12

AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat! I wunted 2 adres da ishu! **(there are not a lot of paedophiles in American schools, and you did a horrible job addressing the issue.) **how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! **(Confusion…)**

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together. **(Of course. Slitting your wrists or stabbing yourself in the heart with a steak is the only way to kill a vampire goffik crazy chick.)**

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then... his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **(Red whites. That totally makes sense…)**

I stopped. "How did u know?" **(How did you know that the elephants on the roof are back and they are now accompanied by a troupe of green mice singing "Baby" while swaying rhythmically back and forth? OMYGOD I THOUGHT NOBODY WOULD NOTICE THEM!)**

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" **(It was always a lightning bolt. And you weren't supposed to see the elephants and mice, they were supposed to be a surprise for your birthday! Darn it…)**

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **(Into his ear, breaking his eardrums and rendering him DEAF, so he CAN'T HEAR THE SINGING MICE.)**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco...Volfemort has him bondage!"

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. They were going to St. Mango's after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. **(Unlike you…) **Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them. **(Be nice.)**

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses. **(How sweet of him!)**

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses. **(I thought they were for Loopin and Snap…)**

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, **(Riddle me this: what color is your coffin lined with and what color do you wear all the time? Answer: PINK.) **and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik.

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses." **(THEY'RE MORE DANCING MICE!)**

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. **(Normally, when someone gives me roses, I say "Thank you.")**

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) **(YES) **to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! . **(?)**

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely.

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!" **(Wait, what?)**

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. **(A black flame that was black? HOLY SHIT!) **Now I knew he wasn't a prep.

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" **(I don't know what the fuck Draco is other than my future husband…)**

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?" **(? I didn't understand that at all.)**

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!" **(What did he say?)**

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. **(confusion…we've been over this…) **I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. **(Being in the hair of magical magic creatures is very magical.) **He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. **(Poor kid )**

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then... we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. **(That was sudden.)**

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else. **(Duh…)**

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily. **(You were just as much a part of the orgy as he was. Shut up, slut.)**

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then... his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **(Red whites. Heehee.)**

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco...Volfemort has him bondage!" **(Ooo. Cliffhanger.)**

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I **(?)**

So, it has just come to my attention that I've had 260 hits to all of my stories. I've only had about 12 reviews or something like that. Please, if you read, review. It makes me feel happy and loved and I just like it. 


	13. Chapter 13

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! **(Call me a preppy poser or whatever, but Gerard Way isn't all that hot)** PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG!

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there.

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily. **(I love the teachers' insults! Mediocre dunces, horny simpletons, despicable snobs…)**

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice. **(OOC much?)**

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged.

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." he walked away. Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) **(1. I thought he was bi. 2. You should be getting mad at him. Aren't you fucking one of them? I don't know which, it changes every day…)**

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed. **(No, you **_**have**_** an idea. Present tense.)**

"What?" I asked him. **(Have the elephants and mice been joined by iguanas in flamenco dresses belting "Pie Jesu" by Andrew Lloyd Webber? Are they eating cheese? THAT'S WHAT I TOLD THEM TO DO.)**

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair!

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!" **(Muslim Voldemort)**

It was….. Voldemort! **(Omg. Voldemort in his lair? CRAZY SHIT!)**


	14. Chapter 14

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws! **(confusion...)**

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. **(Um, are viewers/readers supposed to poop before reading this?)**

We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was sitting. **(Do you mean Peter Pettigrew?) **Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" **(Haha, I love the insults!)** he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he had. Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "." he said. **(But isn't he shot?)** (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok) **(But Hargirid's a paedo and he's a student...confusion.)**

"Huh?" I asked.

"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." I said angrily. **(I love that she says this. When she's a slut like she is.) **Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly. **(But he tortured you and wanted you to have sex with him!)**

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. Then… he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. **(I'm just a sweet transvestite...)** So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying. **(You were already crying, idiot.)**

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) **(Haha, no)** and a really huge you-know-what and everything. **(Useful to have when you're sexah as Gerald Way...)**

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything." **(Look in a goddamned mirror, whore.)**

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco. **(Do you know what she does behind your back?)**

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" **(MARY SUE ALERT!)** I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.


	15. Chapter 15

AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! **(Hehe) **BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese! **(Use Bing Translate. You don't even have to credit anyone!)**

We ran happily to Hogsmede. **(That's how I run, all the time. I run to school happily. I run between classes happily. I run EVERYWHERE happily )**There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. **(Again.) **MCR were there playing 'Helena'. **(Seriously, what are the chances?) **I was so fucking happy! **(So much happiness…) **Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. **(Obviously he doesn't think so.)** I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. **(no comment) **Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers! **(They deal…in death. Makes sense, in a strange twisted way.)**

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them" **(You're at the concert…?)**

"What cause we…you know…" he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what. **(No, they do. A LOT. Trust me, sweetie. They do.)**

"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an angry voice.

"We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT." **(BADASS)**

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?" **(A Christina? What is that?)**

"NO." he muttered loudly. **(Oxymoron…)**

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily. **(You just asked that.)**

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me. **(I love how he starts singing something. Hogggwarrttts musicalll, don't evverrrr have to leeet it gooooo)**

I was flattened cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me! **(Maybe he memorized it because he likes it. That could happen. Not everything's about you.)**

"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room. **(Fun.)**

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'h ow do u do' in japanese). "BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!) **(Because killing off your friend's character is totally the most mature way to express your anger at her.)**

"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily. **(Do you mean derisively? That seems a lot better of an adjective.)**

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. "Maybe Willow will die too." I said. **(Why were you feeling depressed? And The Nightmare before Christmas is about as gothic of a movie as Sleeping Beauty.)**

"Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. **(Energetically lethargically? Again, um…) **"Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak." **(Um…)**

"Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie. **(Using your minds. They talked using their minds. Interesting. I WANNA DO THAT!)**

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA." **(I think your idea of hot is different from my idea of hot.) **

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping." **(We hate preps! SHOPPING!)**

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde. **(I hate the preppy things preps do! Let's go shopping at Hot Topic to express our distaste for their non-depressing preppy pastimes!)**

"No." My head snaped up.

'WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?"

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all." **(A cool gothic store other than Hot Topic? GASP, I THINK I'M DYING!)**

"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!). Or me. **(You didn't know about them, but you told her about them? Mind blown…)**

"Dumblydore." She sed. "Let me just call our broms." **(?)**

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly.

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me. "Come on let's go." **(Totally makes sense…not.)**

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE **(Hehe) **and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs." **(How can you tell?)**

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera." **(hehe, goffik camera pouch!)**

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit. **("I'm totally not a whore! Please stare at my boobs in this very low-cut dress!) **

"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said.

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary.

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked. **(I wish hot salespeople gave me free stuff!)**

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA **(mature) **way what's yours?"

"Tom Rid." He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" **(He didn't know that you had a boyfriend. Don't take your sexual frustration out on him!) **I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, **(why would he beg?)** Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!" **(another cliffhanger…yawn)**


	16. Chapter 16

AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz willo isn't rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr! **(Translation: "I said stop flaming the story! If you're a prep then don't read it! You can tell whether you're a prep or not by my quiz – it's on my homepage. If you're not then you rock. If you are then FUUUUCK OFFFFFF! PS: Willow isn't really a prep. Raven please do this, I'll promise to give you back your poster!" I don't even know why I did that, but you know what, whatever.)**

Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. **(Bad salesperson. BAD.) **He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). **(That's stereotyping bisexuals, Tara, you know better.) **Hargird kept shooting at us to cum **(Orgasm!) **back 2 Hogwarts. "WTF Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you fjucking bastard." Well anyway Willow came. Hargird went away angrily. **(POOR HARGARAD OR WHATEVER!)**

"Hey bitch you look kawaii." she said. **(Hey bitch, you look like you played in a Crayola factory)**

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything. **(Aw, how sad.) **She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets **(not possible, I think) **and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. **(?) **She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic**. (Is that a good thing?)**

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked. **(Which concert again?)**

"Yah." I said happily.

"I'm gong with Diabolo." she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. **(LOL ORGY by the totally awesome GBC) **They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said '666' on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. B'loody Mart **(I buy all my blood there! Cheap and vampire-y, it's the best deal around!) **was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. **(Dracula/Crayola) **Dracola used to be called Navel **(belly belly button you're oh-so-fine! belly belly button you're a beautiful sight) **but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. **(how did I not see that coming) **They dyed in a car crash. Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in Slitherin now. He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now. Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. **(OD PLEASE, BITCH!) **Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. We soon got there….I gapsed.

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! **(I thought that Draco was, but you know…whatever.) **He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic **(whaaaaat? Ethnic?) **voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. **(I think the only MCR song you know is Helena.) **Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. **(What mask?) **So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy **(OOOH, the evilness just oozes out of these preps, you know?) **man wif no nose and red eyes. Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. **(Orgy at a concert!) **It was….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers! **(They deal in death.)**

"U moronic idiots!" **(Yay, more awesome insults! If there's one thing that I can compliment Tara on, it's her insults. I like them.) **he shooted **(with a gun) **angstily **(It was an angst gun.)**. "Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have **(technically, "hast") **failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Draco!" "No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife. **(Just use the Avada Kedavra, fool!)**

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. **(Interesting mental picture, there…) **He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. **(Lung hair and burnt French bread isn't good for you.) **He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' on da back. **(not very goffik, there.) **He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…DUMBLYDORE! **(OMG I TOTALLY DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING, WHAT A PLOT TWIST!)**

_Editor's Note: SO sorry for the long wait. I was busy over the summer, and haven't been on FFN that much, and I have other excuses and shit but you know, I bet nobody reads these. The main point of this is that I'm going to be a review whore and say HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT THERE'S A REVIEW THINGY RIGHT DOWN THERE (vvv) USE IT!_


	17. Chapter 17

AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der! **(I swear. SHIT FUCK ASS BITCH DAMN. And I'm not gothic.)**

I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it **(walked out of her coffin. Think about that for a minute.)** and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstickand a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. **(OMG, how non-slutty!) **I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it**.**

(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). **(You try too hard to be gofficck!)** Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song. **(I know what! It's an…wait for it… PIZZA! They had a pizza to a Linkin Park song.) **

Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. **(Um…I thought you watched the movies but you know, whatever…) **But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys. **(Pop. You spelled "pop" wrong.)**

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow. **(Shouting "WTF" is a totally normal thing when going to sit anywhere.) **B'loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. Vampire, Dracula and Draco came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi.

"Those guys are so fucking hot." Navel was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came. He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black. **(The image of a gothic old man in my mind is hilarious.)**

"….DUMBLEDORE?1!" we all gasped. **(YOU SPELLED IT RIGHT! I GASPED TOO!)**

"WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!"

"Hello everyone." he said happily. "As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?"

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1.

"BTW you can call me Albert." HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.

"What a fucking poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) **(Lol. No.) **but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis!" Willow shouted.

I was so fucking angry. **(Why?)**


End file.
